


Increase the Sex Timing with Q-chan!

by Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener



Category: Pet Shop of Horrors
Genre: Gen, Leon is going to freak out, Silly, bad timing, things don't get weirder than this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-12
Updated: 2010-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1959804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener/pseuds/Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leon is having one strange evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Increase the Sex Timing with Q-chan!

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the porn spam "Increase the Sex Timing With Honey!" Written in 1 hour. XD
> 
> Disclaimer: Matsuri Akino is the creator of Petshop of Horrors.  
> 

Leon is reclining on his sofa, relaxing at home after a long day of fighting crime and kicking ass. He has a nudity magazine covering his eyes as he snores away peacefully.

["Kyu kyu kyukyu kyuu kyukyu kyu?"  
Subtitles: Are your weekends like this because you can't satisfy your partners?]

Leon snorts as he wakes with a jerk. "Huh? Who's there?" He rubs his eyes and looks around, but he doesn't see anyone.

["Kyuu kyukyu kyu? Kyukyu kyuu kyukyu kyu kyuu kyu kyuu kyukyu kyu?"  
Subtitles: Are you releasing too soon? Have you tried everything you can find in the store and on the internet with no results to show for it?]

"What the hell is that noise?" The blond man jumps to his feet and starts searching around his living room, checking behind shelving and kicking at laundry that needs to be put away.

["Kyukyu kyu! Kyu kyu kyuu! Kyukyu kyukyu kyu kyuu kyukyu kyu!  
Subtitles: Forget the creams! Forget the gels and pills! There's only one solution for your problem!]

Leon begins to search through other rooms, including his bathroom cabinets, but the squeaking is at the same volume wherever he goes. "Dammit, do I have rats?" He returns to the living room with a crossed expression.

["Kyukyu kyu 'Kyukyu kyuu kyukyu Kyu-kyuu!' Kyu kyuu kyu kyuu kyukyu kyu kyuu kyukyu kyu!"  
Subtitles: You need 'Increase the Sex Timing with Q-chan!' A training video proven to solve your timing problems or your money back!]

"AH! What the freak?!" The blond jumps back as a video shoots out at him from nowhere, landing on the sofa with a bounce. The cover features Q-chan wearing designer shades and a thumbs-up. "Who the hell is there!?" He grabs his gun from the side table. "Come out, bastard!"

["Kyukyu kyu kyukyu kyuu kyukyu!"  
Subtitles: After extensive training with me you'll never have to worry about shooting off early again!]

"I'm waiting," Leon barks. "Come right now!"

["Kyuu kyukyu? Kyu kyukyu kyuu kyukyu kyu kyuu kyu. Kyuu kyukyu kyu!"  
Subtitles: Hear that testimonial? Now he's the one leading the game. That can be you too!]

Suddenly there's a blackout and Leon is left in the dark. "Fuck!" He never sees the floating white letters and numbers.

["Kyukyu kyu kyu! Kyu kyuu kyukyukyu-kyukyukyu-kyukyukyukyu!"  
Subtitles: Get your free demo DVD today! Just call 888-SEX-TIME!]

The lights abruptly flicker back on. "Ah!" Leon kicks at the giant DVD that's now in front of him. "Where the heck did that come from?!"

["Kyukyu kyukyu kyu kyuu kyukyu kyu."  
Subtitles: We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.]

Leon jerks his eyes around, the DVDs are gone and it's quiet once again. "What the hell was that?" After several minutes he puts his gun down and rubs his face with both hands. "I have got to lay off the caffeine." He jumps when there's a knock on his door. "Just a moment!" There's a delivery man with a package standing in front of his apartment.  
"Package for you, sir."  
"Oh, thanks." Leon signs for it and sits on his couch again. "I don't remember ordering anything." He tears it open and finds a DVD. "What the? Increase the Sex Timing with Q-chan? I didn't order this!"

At that moment his friend and partner Jill, who has a key to his place, rushes in. "Leon! You have got to see this! Oh!" She skids to a halt in front of the blond. Leon's eyes are wide as he attempts to hide the damning video. "I didn't know you had that kind of problem." Her lips threaten to smile.  
"I don't!" he denies with a red face. "Someone sent it as a prank!"  
"Sure it was."  
"Jill!"  
"Is it for Count D?" she asks with a grin. "I'll show you this later, you better get to work."  
"JILL!"

**Author's Note:**

> [Want to stay updated on my art and stories?](http://dawneastpoint.deviantart.com/journal/Check-Here-for-my-Updates-638603365)  
>  It'll be two steps because I'm not allowed to mention my personal blog on here.


End file.
